Oddly Appropriate Bedfellows: “Sex That Works” and Evidence-Based Investing

© Can Stock Photo / olandsfokus

A Wendy’s Wednesday Whimsy

One of the reasons I launched my Wendy’s Wednesday Whimsy series was so I could mostly write about best practices for evidence-based investment advisors … but sometimes strike off on a lark when I felt like it.

This week, let’s talk about sex.

This may seem like a wild lark indeed but, in a moment, I’ll explain how it’s actually more parallel than you might think to my usual flights of fancy.

Last March, my husband and I celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. If you do the math, let’s just say we’re a touch (or more like a body block) older than 32, and it’s sometimes harder than it used to be to reignite the spark that united us more than a quarter century ago.

So along came a recommended book newly published by another Wendy who lives here in Eugene, Oregon: “Sex That Works,” by Wendy Strgar. On a whimsy, I decided to support a local Wendy, and loaded it to my Kindle.

Wow. Her book is beautifully written. It’s also grounded in Strgar’s professional advice, and supported by a wide range of sources culled from academic thought leaders and experienced practitioners in her field. It addresses both the practical and emotional aspects of love-making.

If all this is beginning to sound familiar, you can see why the book appealed to me. If it being about sex leaves you squeamish, I encourage you to transcend that, as the book itself does in many ways. Here are just a few of the countless quotable passages I highlighted as I read:

“Giving yourself permission to experience pleasure unexpectedly is a way of forgiving yourself.”

“As one of the highest forms of self-compassion, resilience backs us up and encourages us to try again. … We improve this skill through regular daily choices: by choosing foods that nourish us instead of junk or filler foods, by spending time with people who appreciate us instead of people who undermine us, by giving our attention to things that spark our curiosity and desire to know instead of getting lost in negative story lines that surround us in the news and on social media.”

“Boredom is a symptom of a mind that has lost its way, that has no active mechanism to reach beyond itself. Lacking curiosity over time, we lose access to our imagination. We become passive receptacles for easily available entertainment.”

“We are not listening when we need to be heard.”

“Like listening deeply, seeing deeply requires our full attention … We are literally holding someone in our regard, which heals both the person being seen and the person looking.”

“What is the essential difference between fleeting pleasure and lasting happiness? Attention. Simply put, when we focus our attention on getting better at something, on growing our abilities and interests in whatever makes us curious and feel more alive, we tap the source of lasting happiness.”

“Often the richest lives are created by people who strive not to accumulate more but to be more.”

“Letting go, the sister of receiving, teaches that sometimes there is a more powerful force than trying. Effort and aspiration are balanced by having the courage and insight to let go.”

And, my personal favorite:

“When we recognize that life is not an inexhaustible well, but rather a collection of brief and tender moments, gratitude is the only sane response.”

Nice stuff, don’t you think? While you might not assume so from the title, Strgar’s new book will help you strengthen and more deeply enjoy any of your valued relationships, be they with your spouse or partner, friends or family, or (not least of all!) your colleagues or clients.

In gratitude, I recommend this hard-working book to others. Thanks, WendyS!